It all started in a phone call between my mother and her second cousin out there in the states talking about their grandfather being sick. At one point, my uncle (mom's second cousin) asked mom that wether or not she wants me to study in the US, I was there hearing this. Then, it comes to my consideration that I have always been wanting to decide. I choose to go but then I came back 10 days later.
I decided to go to the US for study for some reasons, like more recognition of my diploma so that I can compete with the other ASEAN country when it comes to economic integration. I also want to see what it is like out there in the United States. Experiencing study abroad is one of my dream since I was a child and mom knows it very well. So, we started the paper work starting from completing the application form for the college. After submitting it, it comes for the time I had to wait until I receive my I-20 form. 30 days passed and I finally receive my I-20 (I was so thrilled). I applied for the visa online and all by my self and it is actually my first time applying online for visas. I waited for another month till I can have the visa interview appointment with the embassy. I passed, that is when I have to reconsider about this. But, still, I stubbornly choose to go. The plane ticket was bought and I was departing on my birthday with my grandmother whom I will be living with. Oh, and this, the uncle that had done the paper work for me, his house doesn't have enough room so I had to live with another uncle.
I have never thought of what I would be facing alone abroad. I thought it would be easy that I just have to eat, sleep, study and a bit of work. But it turned out different. On the departing day, the first thing I did after waking up is crying, mom came in say "If you wanna change your mind, it is okay, forget about the air fare, it is nothing". I told her I was okay. Arriving at the airport, with my family and a bunch of close friends, I was excited to step out of my comfort zone and see life in another aspect. But then, my mind broke down when I was waiting to board the plane. I started crying during the take off repeating the phrase "where is mom, where is home, where is my family, I can't feel the warmth". I cried most of the time during my flight.
Arrived in Los Angeles, waited my uncle to close his store and we went home. I entered my room and the first thing I did was, again, crying. I skyped mom and told her that I am okay but I could not hold my tears back. I immediately told her that I wanna go back. 10 days in Sylmar was not that bad except the part that I was crying every single day missing things I left. My uncle pick me up every day to go to his donut store (it was my first time seeing a donut store and cops buying donuts). But we hanged out most of the time, eating out, seeing my college. He even brought me to Santa Monica pier. Oh, the other uncle took me to Universal Walk (Universal Studio Hollywood), and Hollywood Walk of Fame, and LA downtown and Chinatown and it was my first time in hollywood. But not every day I spent with him were pleasurable, there were also some pressure. Representing your family alone is not pressure enough but when you meet the other relatives coming from the other part of the world not knowing them a bit before.
Then, I started questioning myself. What am I doing here? Is it worth the expend? I will be spending a lot, can mom really handle this? Finally, I lost my motivations. I started to think that it is not worth to go there for bachelor. So boom, I got my supplementary exam requested (because I left when I have finals) and got my ticket back home booked.
I am currently a year two student at the Royal University of Phnom Penh and I have just been selected to have an exchange study in Poland for 6 months. I hope this would not be bad as the previous one.
