Thursday, October 20, 2016

Out of reality





A place to escape the undeniable truth could be simple. They could be found somewhere nearest. A place where you can find others sitting around minding their own business while you can mind your own. They are strangers, yet you feel very comfortable with. Because without their noise, the world is soundless, the world evolve only in your head. You could be sitting with your only self, or with a creature you have been close with, close friend or friends. A coffee shop, yes. I would give a big fat YES. There could also be a bunch of stuffs you like too in term of foods or drinks. Even if it is a bit overpriced, trust me, it could be worth your smile as you get something you like into your stomach. A distraction from the thing you are enduring about. Staying in a cafe would not let you forever escape the reality, but oh well, at least for some times. For some 3 or 4 hours without staying in your room and lay there being down all the moment. Out of reality, you can find yourself being in the middle of everyone. You can actually get yourself out of that thought. You can actually use your time to do other things. I don't know the magic of this place but it works that way for real. Or maybe it is even better if you can drag someone to sit there with you and be silent all the time or have the patience and understanding enough to listen to every mixed up shit you talk out of your mind. It works that way. I found myself spending my time these days at coffee shops. That is the only way to get myself out of the blue. The blue I have when I'm alone. I guess that's it.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

A broken soul

Pouring down a glass of cold water in hope to calm the very burning fire inside me. As I sip the coldness into my body, a flicker of reflection appeared. I went out of mind.

The bed I used to sleep in comfortably with a smile, is where I store my tears, where I wake up crying, where I find it hard to even close my eyes, where every sleeping positions cannot make me fall asleep, where I sleep for 3 hours everyday because I overthink.

I used to like foods, too. But not anymore. Or is it because my taste bud changed. I barely taste anything. Even if it looks so pleasing, it becomes tasteless in my mouth. I eat the best I could but it's still small. I can't even get anything more into my stomach.

I'm lost. I couldn't even focus on anything. I went to school just for attendance. I missed deadlines. I don't understand assignments. I ignore my work.

I'm dying inside. I messed things up. In hope it will get better. Waiting for your reply has became my habit. How you treat me affect my mood. If it's good, I can smile. If it's bad, it's what I have written above.

I don't know how to decide. It's a fight between my brain and heart. People are calling me stupid and have already stopped caring about me.

It's been a week. And I hope it will end soon.