It's been a while now since I last felt important. It seems I really want to write it all down here, but no one would understand me anyway. What I meant to say is that I just feel useless.
A few months ago, I was walking with my head and chin up being proud of myself. Being proud of my achievement, a scholarship and other important things in my CV. I was so deep inside the horizon and I did not even look up to something more than that. Something more than I was, when I had the chance to go further. I was so full of myself and that is all I know and remember.
Throwing back to the time I dropped my scholarship because of my stupid emotion and family disagreement, I came back home DEPRESSED. For one full month until I decided to get the hang over it and get a life. Things go on as it supposed to. Days went by and I only have to go to school 3 hours a day while I quit every social activities I used to do. Except from the other programs that I applied for and failed 4 to 5 times, I did not apply for anything beneficial for my life.
And now, I have added another line to my CV "an internship". Mom had been nagging that I am useless for not making anything, money or something useful. So then, I sought for this part-time internship. Thinking that using my morning time to do this job and learn outside school would be useful, I ended up comparing myself to someone staying way higher than me. The human greed and evil inside me just do not stop comparing my own self with other people in the field and place me under peer pressure. I CRAVE for what they have. I got jealous of their lives.
And here I am again, depressed and still feel useless.
