Why gender?

Ever since I know how to think, I’ve been curious about things that, at least to me, are illogically constructed. I haven’t noted it down, but one thing I know for sure is the social norm. To be specific, the gender role and gender-ization of things.

This world likes to assign gender to almost everything on earth; activities, hobbies, interests, and even look. And I really do not understand that. I mean, why do we have to do that?

            I wasn’t born manly. I am shy. Basically not everything of my features would fit into the category of a “male”. I’m not saying this because I was different. But because I found out that other people are having troubles fitting themselves into the stereotype as well. Because if we don’t act in accordance to the standard, we’re labeled different, weak, and under expectation. I’ve been mocked. Ever since I started school. “Gay” is what people would call on someone like me who has too much feminine hormone inside us. I mean, yes, I can’t meet your standard, but that wouldn’t make me any less of a human. Nor disqualify me from being male.

            Another thing I learnt from this society is that, even hobbies need to be assigned a gender to. I’ve notice how my cousins are taught about gender since they’re 5 when they mocked my brother for watching “My Little Pony”. In this society, boys who play jumping robes, dolls, hair braiding, are viewed as gay. Videogames are only for boys. If a girl plays videogames, be prepared for the surprise they had. And yes, sport. Football is for men.

            If you’re a guy and you did make up, you’re gay. If you’re more fashionable than a basic guy, you’re gay. These things are only for women. Male don’t cry. You’re not a real male if you cry.

            After all, if we all let go of this mindset, imagine how better the world could be. I know it’s hard. But if you’ve read this far, you might understand.

I hate you sometimes

Have you ever got stuck in your own thought, not being able to get out of it then suddenly everything goes blank? Yes, I’m in that condition. It happens lots of time in a day. I don’t even know what to call it. Depress? Less than that. Or it’s just mere sadness. But why does it have to come and haunt me every time. Even small things are enough to remind me of that… There goes another blank moment.

            Understanding what’s going on in my own head is even harder than solving it. It was positive and then suddenly turned negative. Mood swing I guess. Or maybe I’m just too indecisive, too unwilling to even choose a path to walk on. I’m stuck.

            After a year and a half being in a relationship, I am completely another person from who I was. Innocent. Pure. Stupid. I got taught a lot of things. More than I could ever imagine I would be learning. On the bright side, I am a happier person. I became addicted to a person. I discover myself in the world of heart floating around. I am braver now, even more sociable. I get to do things I did not get to when I was single. I get to hang out more rather than staying at home browsing on my computer. I’ve never been treated this good, I would say. I’ve learnt to differentiate about love, passion, desire, and lust.

            But not all things are pink neither bright nor colorful sky with music at the background. I’ve been let down. I’ve been stabbed at the back. I’ve been treated as I have committed a worse crime. Between you and those guys, I don’t know who to blame. I don’t know if I should just start over my life and be carefree again.

            But you got me.

            I’m stuck and blank.

            This article won’t make any sense. But if you have read till this point, thank you.