Everybody lives in a world where their inner personalities
seem to not bother much. Me, I live in a complete contrast world where either
everything happens inside my head or I overthink about it. Worse case scenario:
something that haunts me everyday chasing me aside from everybody.
Thing is; I’ve never been truly confident in myself. If you see me
being confident, please keep playing along. The fact that I’ve never been
treated fair since I was little, maybe it scarred up in this. I was perceived
weak, feminine, and unsociable. And those are what I kept within myself to
these days questioning my own worth and trying to make the world evolve as I
wish.
After all, I also wanted to blend in, to see what everybody is doing.
And I did. And that’s what led me to today. Fighting my own barrier and proving
myself that I am not a 14 years old nerd at the back of the class far flung
from the society. And I guess I did make friends, and I love them. I appreciate
every single person in my circle who happens to push me over my boundary, who
sees the potential in me, and those are my families, my bosses, my boyfriend, and
my friends.
Out of the blue but maybe I am really different from them? I
am weak, feminine, and unsociable, but maybe that’s how I really should roll in
my life? Because after all, I just don’t get the meaning of being human. Human
greed. Human flaws. And human never learns. I’ve been broken and disappointed
about this community I live since I realized how the social system evolves
outside my too-real-to-be-true utopian daydreaming. It’s me against the world.
But who knows? Either I change or the world change? Or I give up the idea of
fitting in?
