I hate you sometimes

Have you ever got stuck in your own thought, not being able to get out of it then suddenly everything goes blank? Yes, I’m in that condition. It happens lots of time in a day. I don’t even know what to call it. Depress? Less than that. Or it’s just mere sadness. But why does it have to come and haunt me every time. Even small things are enough to remind me of that… There goes another blank moment.

            Understanding what’s going on in my own head is even harder than solving it. It was positive and then suddenly turned negative. Mood swing I guess. Or maybe I’m just too indecisive, too unwilling to even choose a path to walk on. I’m stuck.

            After a year and a half being in a relationship, I am completely another person from who I was. Innocent. Pure. Stupid. I got taught a lot of things. More than I could ever imagine I would be learning. On the bright side, I am a happier person. I became addicted to a person. I discover myself in the world of heart floating around. I am braver now, even more sociable. I get to do things I did not get to when I was single. I get to hang out more rather than staying at home browsing on my computer. I’ve never been treated this good, I would say. I’ve learnt to differentiate about love, passion, desire, and lust.

            But not all things are pink neither bright nor colorful sky with music at the background. I’ve been let down. I’ve been stabbed at the back. I’ve been treated as I have committed a worse crime. Between you and those guys, I don’t know who to blame. I don’t know if I should just start over my life and be carefree again.

            But you got me.

            I’m stuck and blank.

            This article won’t make any sense. But if you have read till this point, thank you.